The Why me? question. Will make you think. mind body and soul. part 2

Updated: Jun 14, 2020

I left part 1, with us looking at and considering the inner self, and more importantly how this can help us with the "why me?" question. For many people, the focus on the "why me?" can be part of a contributing factor to a mental health issue, or even, an individual with a mental health issue can then become compelled, or more easily drawn to the negativity of that question. Interestingly, mental health issues are rarely caused by extrinsic factors such as status, lack of wealth, power or possessions etc. Yes, some of these factors do contribute to mental health issues, I know this myself having endogenous depression. However, these factors in themselves, do not 'cause' mental health issues, but rather contribute to the way we handle our mental health. After all, even if one's mental health is good, as lack of money when needed etc., can cause temporary stresses/anxiety. However, most healthcare professionals, and I fall into that category, will say that the vast majority of mental health disorders are intrinsic, and triggered either by a one off severe life trauma, or an accumulative build up of negative affective factors. And yes, I do mean affective, as affective means to influence or impress, causing an effect, and that effect then may be a mental health issue. eg. An affective factor in my life, was bullying in school and being belittled, and made to feel lesser than others, the effect then meant I have struggled for years with an inferiority complex, the need for constant approval and acknowledgment. So, Why me? well, I have asked this many times over the years, and it has caused a very negative outlook in many circumstances.

So going back to part 1 ( where I referred to the likes of Lord Sugar and Richard Branson, they chose grit, and determination to progress their lives and make a difference. Also, I said success was not material extrinsic factors, but rather the something deeper intrinsically tangible. Understanding this can help us with the "why me" question and more importantly moving out of the negative into a more productive, positive self. So how do we do that, how do we achieve that something deeper? Unfortunately, there is no one single easy answer, if you ask any successful individual, success/achievement is only accomplished by hard work, determination, some pain but over all a desire to move beyond the 'now'. During my life I have become aware of my own issues and spent many an hour also helping others with their issues, whether, physical, mental health or spiritual. Yet, I am no expert, and I have had my up and downs and still have a bad day from time to time. However, I see a positive, I see a future, I see in me a willingness to move beyond the now and what is known.

I truly believe, that life and wellbeing is not all about Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) (although PMA does have a part to play, when used appropriately, and not used as a glib mantra), or self love, positive affirmation mantra's etc. but an accumulation of being positive in the negative, working with and through the pain, talking is a very important factor, having that one trusted person to talk to is a strong foundation to build upon. They don't need to provide answers, just let you talk. After all, many business professionals, inventors etc will talk out an idea, and then it tends to make sense to themselves also. That person needs to be able to listen without judgement, opinion or directive answers. They need to be able to listen, offer positive feedback, and help you see the light in the darkness. The "why me" question therefore, in mental health terms is destructive, negative, unanswerable, and more often than not limiting the healing and strengthening process. I use the term strengthening, as not all mental health conditions are curable. However, with the right treatment, support, and self awareness/strengthening an individual can learn to manage the condition, rather than be controlled by it. For the majority, if not all, mental health is a fluid state, and adding unnecessary burdens upon it, the likes of the unanswerably negative "Why me?" does not create a PMA, and subsequent good mental health state.

This then, also links to the 3rd part of the tripartite individual, that is the body, mind, and Soul. The soul is that part of the person that many will call the 'essence', that which makes us unique, makes me, me. For many that is something Spiritual. Whether that be an affinity with nature, the universe, a spirit guide, or a god. The "Why me?" question then takes on a totally different perspective. Whereas the effects on the mind/mental health tend to be negative, if overly focused upon, for the spiritual person it is an opportunity rather to ask, to seek an answer. Is it always found, No! however, the Christian bible sums it up well with "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah chapter 55, verse 9. For many this concept transcends human understanding, and for many religions, not just Christianity, this concept of a 'higher being', a 'deity' is a source of comfort, strength and encouragement. "For all things will work together for the good of those believe". This philosophy is a way of making sense of the "why me?", it not only allows one to question, but then to move on when an answer can not be found. By this, I mean, that an individual with a spiritual belief accepts that, in all circumstances there is a purpose, a reason, a higher thought process, a learning to be had, a lesson to be gained and understood, even if it is to be revealed in the future. Now, spirituality within humanity is another subject to be looked at another time. Although to say, that there is a growing body of evidence to suggest that, an individual with a spiritual belief tends to heal physically, and process mental health issues more quickly. Please remember spirituality is different from religion, but again, I will address this in my next #blog. Therefore, the "Why me?" question has the potential to effect us both positively, or negatively, if we allow and permit ourselves to be drawn in by the perpetual cycle of negative questioning. This can have effects on all aspects of the tripartite person. As research shows that poor mental health can effect the physical body, and in turn the negativity of the "why me" question on mental health issues, the consequent accompanied health issues, can sometimes, draw one away from the peace and strength found in our faith. However, if we use the "Why me?" question not to dwell upon negatively, but rather, to accept that more often than not, the answer is Not our fault or of our doing, and not to be found immediately spiritually, we can allow the healing process to begin. No, we may never forget what has happened, or loose the past, but we can become stronger. We can use the lessons to train us positively, to support our mind/mental health healing and strengthening, we can then find peace and strength in the spiritual, in knowing we don't know everything and often don't need to know everything. Just, Be, Think Evolve, Live.